12 more hours before 2006 is history

12 more hours before 2006 will be history. The place to witness the passing of the year will be Vivocity. Spectacular waterfront view of the Sentosa harbour, will be a beautiful picture when the night stars fight complements with the brief bright colorful fireworks lights bursting overhead.

For me, 2006 is a year of pain, happiness, confusion and accomplishments. A year with many frustration at work which I realised now is caused by the wrong match of role which I attempted to take on. A year where my love life blossomed after many dry and empty years. A meaningful year because I have smile, laugh, worried and cried in it.

Is your year meaningful?

Eurythmics - 17 again

Targets for January 2007

For the month of Jan 2007, I target to

1. Exercise once a day to lose weight, either by swimming 10 laps or working out in the gym.
2. Blog one entry a day to improve my sentence construction.
3. Finish one chapter per book, at least 2 chapters per day.

:)

Internet down

I did not realised how being connected is so much part of my life until the Taiwan earthquake broke the undersea cables. According to the news report, repairs may take up to a few weeks. It is obvious the alternate routes are not coping well. Sites hosted outside Singapore are difficult to reach and not reliable. Browser response in displaying these pages are slow.

I wonders how much it will cost SingTel to repairs the undersea cables. I wonders if someone out there will start to plan and devise to lay more cables and any investors will trust him to build a viable business.

Rie Tanaka (Lacus Clyne) - Fields of hope

Lose weight to help my knees

This week, I wanted to lose 1 kg per week by swimming everyday. I suffered from knee cap injuries from my NS and losing weight will helps in taking out stress on them. However, the past week raining weather is not helping much. There is not even an one hour slot between the rains to go the swimming pool.

I did not choose running because of the impact on the knees during the run. Hence, that eliminated any activities that incur impact to the knees. Leaving swimming as the best way to work out.

I hope the weather in the coming weeks will allows me to accomplish my weight losing plan.

Industrial Espionage

After been to a few interviews, I realized some of the interviewers will attempt to seek confidential information from you. Informational that can be classified as industrial secret.

One asked me to revel the cost price of the projects I performed estimation with. The query came from a government official that should know that the cost price from my company is sensitive information. It was a gamble that failed.

Another asked to revel my last drawn salary. On reflection, I should answer only if he have the authority to perform salary negotiation. It will be a strategic mistake if I discover that he does not have the authority after I joined the company. To me, it will be an unfair advantage for him to know my personal salary.

So I am be careful. I now know that interviewers will attempt to perform commercial espionage and spying in the guise of checking your qualification. So any questions that does not relate to me and the position will be politely pointed out on the relevancy of the question to the post.

I'm No Angel - Dido

A brisk fas pace

With a loud metallic shriek, my chair was pushed back as I stood up. Confused with hurt, clouded with anger, neck full with frustration, I just wanted to be away from her. So I walked, a brisk fast pace, past the food stalls, down the escalator, into vivocity.......

The above was written about 2 years ago, safe in my list of draft until now. It is until today, I finally mastered the lesson from it. I am ashamed by my own action. Not in my defence, I did what I did mainly due to a dare that it is either me or she first doing what I did. Knowing her, she will not remember this dare nor ever acknowledges it.

Then, I thought I find my answer if I hunt ask for her feelings which she never truthfully shared. Then, never did I consider there a more sinister reason behind her reluctant to answer. Now, today, I understand why, for she had something to hide, a agenda that could not be shared with me. And it set the stage for the future events.

Even in a court of law, judges advises to infer negative implication for silence.

Written this down marks is a liberating move that helped me to craft out exactly what happened and who is the victim and villain.

And more importantly, to think of the other extreme when a close trusted person is reluctant to answer your questions, for it means the person knows the answer will do much damage.

And for me to remember not to do this to a friend. Always preferring to be as candour as possible as the friend can take it.

How to not to gives advices?

A few year time back, MS husband helped me to narrow down what I looking for in a mate by asking me many difficult questions. One question that stood out is - what is the one criteria to choose from in a mate if I only have one criteria to choose. I could not answer him correctly and I cant remember exactly my answer.

His own answer for himself is his future mate must be caring. To care means to be patience, to have love and willing to share the bad times.

MS 's husband asked those questions so that it can help me find my own answers. He believes that it is the best way to help me to decides. That belief cames from a man who manages more than 100 people.

And I agree with him. The best way to give advice is not to give them but to help the person find the answer to his own questions by asking question that challenges his hidden reasons, reasons which he is unaware of.

It takes life experiences to know how to ask such question. And it is always easier to share it than to learn from it.

Hoobastank - The Reason

The sum of all fears

I watched the Sum of all fears on the TV. It is a good movie and very enjoyable. The lesson I took from it is not how USA and USSR react to each other in a crisis. But the theme of how one must be strong so that not to be bullied.

Not just appearing strong but to show that one is not to be pushed around.

It suddenly hit me that I have been too accommodating and did not fight for my position when people overstep. Is this my the core problem in my current work? I must not let it happen again in the future.

Even when i start on my track to be financial independence, there will people who to tries to take advantage. I must not let it happened!

New Radicals - You Get What You Give

Stand my ground

I realized I must stand my ground more often and make clear the implication of her decision.

Lady boss today decided at the last minute to cancel a user meeting because she wants to give preparation time for the UAT team. When I heard it, I wonder how she going to face the users next time because it was very difficult to arrange the meeting as it involved many parties.

Since she is the boss, she will be responsible for her action.

Income = value * time * scaliability

Attended Great Eastern roadshow yesterday and Allan Khoo was the speaker during the presentation. He is very entertaining speaker and I enjoyed his presentation on why a career in life insurance will be very profitable. Most importantly, walking away from it is how he methodically work out and calculate the time and number of calls required to reach a desired income level. Beside that, he engraved one of the 2 formula into my mind.

The wealth of a person income depends on the value it returns back to society. Its value is multiplied by the number of times it is returned back and how many number it is reached.

The last formula that is engraved in my mind is about Goals.

Goal = Strategy + Action.

Define the goals, plan how to do reach it, learn from the plans that fail and re-plan and re-think how to reach it. No point is repeating the same approach that failed. Finally and most important , take action. Make it happened and learn the failure and success.

Thank You-Dido

Inconsistent

On the other day, she agreed to help me in the preparation of the weekly meeting. Today, she said that she needs not to help out as it is standard stuff. I can do it on my own. *my eyes goes to heaven*

Then, she tried to point out a typo on my document during a conference call. Luckily, it is her typo instead.

Must tahan till the next job.....

Dido - White Flag

Process or Result

I cna't make up my mind whether to hit the gym or get some home rest today. My friend, who was with me, asked me "Is it because of the process or the result that stopping you?".

With a flash of insight, and I thanked him, for making me realised I had fallen into a habit and forgot my reason of going to the gym. So I run a 2.4km under 15min. Not bad for a 35 year old. I think. :) My next goal is to run till I burn 600 calories.

Holly Cole Trio - I Can See Clearly Now

Quote

"Intellectually based project work can be done anywhere but work with strong physical component is much less transferable" - anonymous

Software developement projects will be very transferable??? Then what is in software projects that are not transferable? Projects that requires customized expensive hardware?

Network....Network.

She said "Know your boss, and then know your client's boss. That way, build up your network." It was a point from K, K was a outgoing, bubbling person. Being with her always being a smile to my face because she is always motivating and encouraging person.

She have a point which make me wonder why do I not network enough. Is it a result of my "lone-ranger" personality? What caused me to be so? Immediately, I remembered the betrayal and the disappointment of my past "friends". That was my teenage and uni years. Wait, was it then I had started was on a "lone-ranger" course which caused it to happened. It feel so.

I need to socialize more and learn how to start a conversation with people. This skill is important to my life and career. Network...network....

Fat Larry's Band - Zoom

My strengths

Been reading this book, "Now, discover your strengths" by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O.Clifton. It rhymes with me as it suggests how I should improves on my strengths instead of my weakness, so to be successful in life and work.

I agreed with it that I should not spent time improving on my weakness but use the time to improve my strengths further. Why try improve on something that is difficult for myself? I may become skilled at it but I may not have the latent talent to make it effortless perfect.

I believe each of us have our own talents latent inside us, using them to do productive work will brings fruits in enjoyment and satisfaction. I remembered how satisfied and happy I feel when I am doing something that comes easy for me.

I know some of my strengths. I need to find out the rest of them. Next, is then to check whether my strengths are in use in the new role in my new company.

Or put it in another way, what kind of work and role allows me to use my strengths?


Five for fighting - Superman

Career Ladder

Today interview went well. My interviewer is a young chap from OZ. He is the 2nd founder of the company and heads the Asia Pacific region. I was surprised at how small the physical size of the company is. It is located in tidy alley in Circular Road, opposite the "Banana Leaf" restaurant.
I worried about the role and responsibilities of the position because the interviewer is a sale focus person. The current PM lasted 4 months while the previous lasted a year plus. This worries me. He expects result.

It is a "get the job without distributing him much" environment. The only plus point is it may fit my go-at-it and "lone-ranger" personality. Also, there is no other existing current competitor in the company.

The position is in another industry and away from application development industry. I foresee that I cannot rely on my technical strength anymore but more on reading the behavior and personality of others. In term of career move, it will affirm my PM position.

So what next after this job? I am 35 this year. I will need to map out my career ladder. e.g. Project Manager -> Project Director -> Program Manager.

Table 1: Setting Career Goals

Career Plan for ________________ Last revised _____________
	Position	Time Frame	Organization/Industry	Relevant Certifications	Experience Required	ü
1
2
3
4
5

I need to plan and think how to fill in the above table with my career roadmap.

Don't dream its over - Crowded House.

How long is one week?

Counting down to my last working day....one more week after this week..cant wait!!

You get what you give - New Radical

When she was better

Why do I starts comparing the past against the present? Cos the present is not happier then the past? If so, I must work on it to make it happier than the past. I should not stay in that pool of reminescence, for the time I am spent there is the time I could have make a better tomorrow.

So once a choice is make, it better to leave regerts and wrong decisions as learned lessons and they do not repeat again.

But what do you do if your partner decides to stay in the pool and do not understand that that ligth at the end of the tunnel is hard and conceience efforts to be made.

How and what should I do?

Lacus Clyne - Fields of hope

ZEUS

ZEUS, father of the greek gods, hold controls over the weather and is the name of the project that I am working on. Why this name? The answer is in what the project about and how its purpose is reflected in the name.


Nelly Furtado - I am scared of you.

Cars

I watched the latest movie from Pixar, Cars. I enjoyed it for the simple story telling and the excellent animation. The one thing that will make the movie even better will be to replace the expressionless eyes of the animated cars. They are like stickers pasted on a windscreens. :P

I always like Pixar movies cos the story they tell plays on simple morals and wisdom of life that I tends to forget with the hassle and bustle of making a living.

The quotes that I remembered from the movies are (I can't remember exactly but something to the effect
Quote 1: "You need go slow, so to enjoy life"
Quote 2: "You can win always."

sleep all day - jason miraz

Will you jump in again?

Maybe it the cold sad decision that i need to move on that make me think deeply whether it is a better idea to know a person first before jumping into a relationship. But how long should I take before I decides? Finally, i think it is matter of how well one can read and understand a person that really determine if one should move to the next step.

That will explains why some people take a shorter time to understand someone. It is equally true that a longer time will help to know someone. But I believe, at the end of the day, it become a matter of learning how to read people effectively, or ask the most indirect question that will opens up a person character.

I need to start learning...

The Housemartin - Build

Healing heart

How a week changes one life. Two days of pure happiness followed by bottomless grief. She sms me with hopes of reconciliation. A weak me responded to her request for a meeting and my poor heart gave in after she answered correctly how to a mature and honest exchange in a conflict.

A few days of peace erupts to my anger and hurt that she could back out at last minute on a promise. Why can't she not honestly tell me the true reason instead giving a lame reason? A storm of hurting words (from her) slammed into me on a Wed night.

Finally, I decided that it must stop here, it is too much for me to bear, I can never accept someone who will dig out the past to justify and support a quarrel. So I said good bye on Fri night.

Sat night saw me walking in the underpass leading to Orchard MRT; I saw her walking together with Peter. Peter saw me and cowardly move further away from her with a frighten and unsure look on his face.

I continue walking till I am almost face to face to her, its then she noticed me. I hope she will remember my accusatory eyes as I walk on and waved good bye.

She told previously Sat night was a girl friend outing. Fast and connecting thoughts came together in my mind, how in the past she could not easier tell me beforehand where she meeting her girlfriends and sometimes why it ended late. These could be lot of if but since it is already over, it is a waste of time and effort to think more into it. The worst conclusion is she previously choose an outing with Peter over me.

So my heart heals slightly faster and easier now. Time to move on and ignore her sms.

Someone - Rembrandts

I have given my best

Did I do the right thing? Only time will tell. Could someone tell me if it is possible to hold one frustration and sense of losing control out of ones voice? Is it possible only after a long practise?

More importantly, I guess it is the ability to hold one feelings at bay when the opposite party throws such at you. So does that means one can hold his feeling at bay always? I believe not for if it possible then that someone must be not human. I believe people are like container, they can only hold so much before they burts or overflow. So it is question then of how deep is one container. Which answered my own question, one can hold one feeling at bay with practise.

I said good bye to her today. I am calling it off because we not really compatiable for each other, both of us are head-strong and she is always want to have the last word. I can honestly say that I have given my best attempt. I have tried to rationaise my feeling and work out a solution for both us. It did not even reach the stage where we can talk about the problem, for it ended with me losing my patience and cool.

Maybe it will work for the short term but I have no confidence for the long term. Maybe it better to stop now and start again. I an honestly tried my best.

Kd Lang - Crying

Wear my heart on my shoulder

Geezes, reading my blogs really shows that I wear my heart on my shoulder. Maybe I dare to cos I know no one will be reading it? haa heee.....
I am ashamed, Most of it is about my inner turmoils. I should write more happier entries. :)

I promised!

When in Rome - The Promise.

Hearing out my married friends.

I talked to two of my married friends on my current relationship problem. One male and the other female.

Both told me that no-one can really understands a person pains in his job environment. Both told me that I should say sorry to her.

The male one pointed out that I must decides if I can accept her behavior in these matters in the long term ahead. The issue that caused the current turmoil is a very small one. There will be bigger issues ahead. If both of us could not work this small one, then I have no confidence that we can solve the big ones.

He asked me this question when we were waiting for our bus home, "Do I know what to do next?" I answered, "Well, I have to say sorry and pamper her for the next two weeks. After she cools down, have a serious talk with her on the matter. If we could not work out how to solve matters like this, then she not for me."

Yes, I am 34 this year. Not good to have too many relationship in life CV. I hope to live to 55 and more, which makes it a total of 21 years and more. If I make the wrong partner choice then I see it as 21 years of constant tolerance . I dun think my tolerance bank can last 21 years and more.

Tiziano Ferro / Sere Nere

One hand cannot clap alone.

The pool, as usual, was full of children and their parents. Luckily, they did not crowd the pool so much that I have stop when swimming a lap. I swam 12 laps before calling its quits. I realized I needs to improve my free-style.

Bukit Merah SARFA swimming pool is a very nice place to swim, thou you have to be a SARFA member before you can use the pool. It is pity that the camera in my 6320 does not do justice to the scenic view. Else I would have posted a nice pic here.

I am thinking hard whatever to call it quits for my current relationship. The crux of the matter is whether proper respects for each other views will grow over time. There is nothing wrong with not accepting another person advise/view but it is immature to not give the other party a chance to tell it. As a general rule, we will agreed on a subject because it is familiar and regular with our understanding/earning. Hence, isn't there more value when we disagreed on a subject because it present a alternative and different view that is different to our current understanding.

She does not have an open mind, which I find it sad cos it is closes out other different, alternative views that may helps to solve our current and future problems.

I have decided that if she does not call me by the coming Tuesday. It is over for us. I will be sad but her silent says tons about how concerned she is about me. This espisode flush to the surface my hidden lurking ill-sceure feeling about our relationship.