1 week ago

One week ago, I wrote how I must move on. Up to today, I have not. She told me so much about herself, that shows how much she trusted me. Yet, I dun understands her deeper and better. I am filled with questions, doubts everytime she tell me something more about herself.





Variations on the Kanon by Pachelbel-George Winston

Salt Water

I sat here in the kitchen looking at the trip photos with a heavy heart. Why am I sad? Why am I confused? Why am I moving towards a decision that I am unwilling to make?

The signals are all contradicting each other and I am unable to let the relationship go. I dun feel discussing with her will work it out cos I dun believe in her answer anymore. Does that sounds bad that I have no confidence in talking and working it out? *Sigh*

I need to move on, there are some things that must be let go so that time is not wasted on an unfruitful endveour. I learnt that my heart will over-ride my head when I really like a person. I I understand now why some ladies contining with someone who is incompatiable with them.

Cliff Richard - Some People.

Dating vs Going out

A old friend asked me how a gal will know the difference between dating and going out with a guy. Thinking about it now, I realized that if you have asked it, it is most likely that your expectation is different from your dating/going out partner.

For me, it will be unacceptable situation. The tricky thing is how to resolve it peacefully and amicably. (say you still want to keep the friendship.) But, seriously, is it possible to resolve that in manner?

I dun have a answer to that.

Lenny Kravitz - I belong to you

180 reversal

So I walked into the HR room, looked at the HR manager in the eye and begged to rescind my letter. She kept me in waiting until noon before giving me a Yes answer.

An 180 reversal came about when the original premise is changed. It is a step back in my career if I have taken up the new posting. Moving to the same level is a job for youngster. I should not have done it. What have changed?

1) A good friend advised me what my next level should be.
2) Her advice come very true when I noticed I can easily revamped my CV to be like a PM CV.
3) When the PMI BOK state very clearly a nurse can run a construction project.

So I sallowed my pride and thicken my skin to the unasked questions that will be on the faces of supposed to be ex-colleagues.


Mandalay - This life.

3 hours chat

We talked for 3 hours. It is obvious that both of us are treading this relationship very carefully. But to me, we are getting closer. She shared with me her business week in ShangHai. She asked me tons of questions, which is a good sign to me, its shows that she is really interested in me.

I was specially glad when she told me that she knows me more compared to another guy whom she knows longer. It is only a month since we meet but it seem just like yesterday.

For me, I want to be sure that values that are important to me are found in her also. So far, it is obvious that we understands each other very easily. I know she looking for someone who love family, is faithful, shares/understand her burden.

Oh dear, I think I am falling....

The Cranberries - Close to you.

How do you know if u got the right next job?

1. When the new post is the next level in the heiarchy.
   
2. When the monthly pay is greater (Dun be fool by the overall package. You cannot live on $100/month even if it pays a $1million at the end of the year)

Recuirtment consultant care enough to find a job match for their client, they are not here to advance your career.


Restless Heart - I'll will be still loving you.

What is a Project Manager?

HYH is a very technical competent and proud person. Can't blame him for being proud cos he have achieved much in his career. Its human nature. His only fault is he bit kiam siap.

He shared with me that his boss asked him twice (at 2 different occasions) to choose between a project manager and a technical path. I empathise with his predicment cos I am at the same cross-road too.

Utlimately, for me I chose the Project Manager path cos it is closer to what I have enjoyed in my work. Is this a change from my previous choice of technical path? Why am I so sure when I will not chose this path in the past?

All because when I am studying for the PMP certification from PMI . I discovered the PMI definition of a Project Manager (PM) is more than an project administrator, a PMI PM hold great responsibility and accountability. And if you google for PM resume sample, you will find the sample depicts many examples of people who used their technical ability to overcame issues and problem.

I recongised that the PMP certification provides a framework on how to manage project, it takes direct project exposures to add the depth and breath of experiences to handles the different, difficult and distinct client expectation scenarios.

And its is these scenarios that I faced when I attempts to meet project deadlines by making engineering issues easier to solve by resolving them when they occur during requirements meeting.

I feel much better when I made this decision. The uncertaintly I have before is gone now. As for HYH, he told his boss that he can do both but he prefer technical more.

And what is left is for me to discover whether the Singapore context of PM is the same as PMI.

Little Anthony & The Imperials - Tears on my Pillow

Pengarang Cycling Trip

A bit late, here is Flickr set of my cycling trip in Pengarang last weekend. It was a very enjoyable trip. It is a great start to my week long leave!

Yippe!!!
:)

Rob Thomas - Lonely No More

The English Language

Reading my old posts make me realised that my command of the English language is deteriorating. The incorrect grammar and ill-constructed sentences pains my perfectionist soul. Hopefully, I can use the freed time in my new company to improve in this one area.

Yes, I tendered my resignation this Monday. 2 month of wait before I could see if the new company really provides me the experiences in the area of enterprise architecture.

All Nite - Janet Jackson.

There never a reasons.

How do I bring myself to write this. Do I need this theapatic way to relieve this feeling of frustration and sense of helpness. I waited one month to hear her phone ring again. Yet, when it finally ring, it was quickly disconnected in the first ring.

The next and the next after call goes unanswered.

No replies to SMS nor email.

So the signs are there, yet I do not heed then because a stubborn voice inside my head keeps asking try again.

I decided that at this hour, that I will move on tomorrow. Sometimes, there never a reason why and no-one is there to tell you that there never a reason why.

Coldplay - Trouble

So today I attend my first class of Sala after a break of over 6 months. The class is repeat of my previous Sala lessons. I joined because Jenny asked me too. Jenny is a cheerful, loveable and simply adorable person. We meet up with her hubby after class for dinner and I have great time chatting with them.

Two very young adult, both in their early late twenties and very much in love with each other. Both attend different schools, stayed in opposite side of the island and does not have common friends. So how did they meet each other? Thru ICQ!!

The first couple I knowed that did not meet each other thru friends nor SDU. Simply wonderful! It give hope to internet relationship!!! ha ha!! But it is not for me!

For me, I am visual person and I am not looking for Miss Universe. Someone who is outgoing, extrovert and fun to be with me. Is my problem is that I am not daring enough and when I do, is too daring? I think not, something tells me that I have not meet that special someone. Poor sentimental romantic fool I am.

I am still waiting for her to came back. Her HP still have SingTel auto answer reply till now. It is about a month now. I give myself till next month before I resign to give up. :(


John Williams - Cavatina

Software Architects in Singapore

The 3rd day of the Chinese New Year (CNY). Today morning was spent in taking over an web application, an "clustered" application that rides on two WebLogic servers. Why the inverted quotes?

Cos the application will not be load balanced because the required configuration at Servlet level is not performed. The handing over team should not be faulted as they are the 2nd generation of developers for the application. However, I found myself asking the question "Should someone have ensure that load balancing is acutally performed?"

I found myself favour the conculsion that a Software Architect would ensure that it is actually load balanced. Which lead to the question, where are the Software Architect in Singapore?

Is Singapore IT industry aware of the need for Software Architects, people with a knowledge in both hardware and software design, in crafting good software applications?

Behind the Wheel - Depeche Mode

Hello World!

How about it? My first blog. And my first title is Hello World! How original can I be?
For those who is not a software engineer, "Hello World!" is the classic statement to be printed when learning a new computer language.

*Sigh* I am still learning how make myself not work too hard. It is so difficult because my neural circuit is too hard wired to change. I making the first steps and learning how to break away. But how long before my learning is complete?

KC today displayed his trademark inability not to speak a limitation which he is not willing accepted and work around. How difficult is it to say that we cannot change our sub-contractor? *sigh*

Immortal - Evanscence