Honda Civic Type-R

My dream and maybe ..... I like the UK version, it is cute and smart!

For the Japan import

http://www.honda.co.jp/CIVICTYPE-R/

For the official UK spec one
http://www.honda.co.uk/car/

Club Med Bali (19 Oct to 21 Oct)

I wanted to fly away on airplane and on the day when I am one year older, wake up on a different land. And I got my wish, beautiful great white sand and crystal clear blue water welcomed me when I opened my eyes on my birthday. And sweet chirping songs of birds are always are in the background of the fresh clean morning air during my stay there.

And so amazing is the sight of many stars, so many of them and so beautiful against the dark blue night sky. I wished I had my camera there.

On my departure day, I wished I could stay longer and the feeling was reinforced hard when I started work next day.

I glad did this, the time away and far from all that is familiar allows me to feel peace and to relax.
And the trip helped me to found one clue to my recent depression is the familiar surrounding that I called home for too long of my life.

I need a change. I need a change in either my status or my environment. I glad I found the reason. I need to work at it now.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday, Beautiful Invisibles.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Walking into Changi Airport Terminal 2 bring back memories, seeing the high floor ceiling, the neat row of metal chairs near the entrance, the cool minty conditioned air, the low background noise of people rushing to counters. It was here exactly one year ago where the roller coaster ride of my life started. Then, I was a 5 year senior in a company and loved my girl.

Now, stepping into the terminal, is a < 1 month old junior and single male.

Would I feel better if I stayed in Singapore during my natal day? No, I would not. I have a deep desire to fly away in a jet plane and wake up in a different land.

MOF @ My Izukaya

Last Thur, at MOF (@ Marina Square), E told me I should correct one of my older post that I was referring to my ex and not her when we met up for dinner.

Over nice Japan theme decor and jap rock-pop music, we had soba and tried that the unique white clear Japanese jelly desert that claims to be healthy and good for slimming. The food was too salty for her but was ok for me. It was obvious that she was very angry and annoyed over a lazy work colleague as she shared stories of his bad work behavior and poor quality word.

Beside this, we talked about about apologizing. Her view is it better to hear words of apology then to seeking repent (i.e. desire not to do it again) because repent requires time to verify that it would not happen again.

I agreed with her and I would still require the person to sincerely regret her action and demonstrate repentance when time cames. Because, I believe if one really loves someone, one would not intentionally hurt the person again and word plus action is so much a stronger prove of a person sincerity. And I fill the time till then with conversation where the answer hints on how well the person learn not to do it again.

Must remember this

"I will make my bf speak to me even if he is angry and staying quiet." - Li

With these words , its all came together for me, words from separate people at different time in my life,

"I have a long day today, I cant talk to you now, it will not be fair to you and your company." - S
"I will talk to H later, when both of us cool down and had have calm down." - J
" ...I am tired, i dun want to lose my cool when we talk." - M
Reflections

These words came together in a flash of realization and understanding that the best course of action, during moment of conflict,
is take time out so to cool down,
to think objectivity,
to not let feeling rule the head,
to not speak sharp hurting lies,

And finally able to do mature conflict solving.

Li words make realized not all people will understand this approach and it may be tough going for me if my future partner is like Li. Even if she not like Li, the restarted conversation may take tons of patience and control to learn and find the root of the conflict, the source of the differences.

Fergie - Big girls dun cry

Complex emotions

To feel love, hurt, anger and hope at the same time is simply amazing and confusing. It could be any mix of emotions and to feel a multiple of feelings competing for attention at the same time is simply overwhelming, which make it more difficult to identify and label these emotion.

For else if I don't label them, is how would I know which one is ruling me, and then to objectivity decides the dominating feeling is accurate and valid and whatever it should be a factor in the decision making.

Objectivety (Part 2)

Rereading Objectivety make me realize there is a ambiguity's in what I wrote. To be precise, the ambiguity arose because the question is answering one of two 2 scenario possible. Was the question about;

1) Get into the relationship knowing what I know now as in the relationship never started.
2) Get into the relationship knowing what I know now as begin a 2nd time.

In "Objectively", the answer is more about Scenario 1 than 2. If Scenario 2 ever happens, there is a huge chasm about trust that have to be crossed, even before friendship and mutual respect cames into play.

Reflections

Maybe it is the book that I am reading now, maybe it is the book message that a person repeating behavior serves as a reliable pattern and indicator to his personality and character. And the more I think and reflects on what I could pick up and learn from the last relationship, the more I agreed that E description of it as dodgy to be very accurate.

Also, the book opened my eyes that it is foolish to view angry words as they are spoken calmly and after much deep thought. They are incorrect unless they are consistent with pattern of similar statements. I wonder why I did not realize it earlier that hurt and pain can twist angry words into facts and truths in the mind. I should discount and ignore them when they are spoken in moments of emotions.

It is more accurate to discover a person repeating behavior and manner and then reference it against what is occurring to get a better understanding of the situation is the cause of the deviant behavior or spoken words. Most likely, the common and regular behavior (speech, mannerism) that repeating is the better reference point to understand a person.

End of 1st week

Walking a few meters from my desk, I can sometimes see tiny bum boats traveling away from Esplanade to Clifford Pier from the 25th floor of Millenia tower. Esplanade looks beautiful in the afternoon sun, its static shiny silver triangle dragon scales contrast against the rolling green-blue sea.

The quietness of my surrounding does not help in absorbing the very dry writing of the technical documents for the project I am assigned to. The reading got easier after I figured the map of the document and begins to understand why he structured the document so. Beside reading, this week had been spent coming to term with the banking industry jargon and the company lingo.

The last two days been spent in Suntec conference room (with tea breaks and lunch provided!), listening to the roadmap for the systems to be delivered over the next few years. The planning are explained in terms of countries roll-out and is very international focus. The systems are built by the company development units (DU).

What gives a warmth fuzziness feelings in my body was hearing the boss of these DU explaining that my department must be involved in reviewing and solutioning for large scale or strategy projects. I hope its mean software architectures and planning plays a important role in the success of the company.

Is it reasonable to say that the industry recognition of software architects are due to the hard to enhance systems due to poor architecture and multiple of software systems that together subtract value away from the company?

I starting to have a nice feeling here. Hope the feelings continues as the weeks go by.

First Day at work

After clearing HR procedures, arrived at my office desk and discovered my laptop not here yet. Subsequently, attended a meeting where the Sector Architects presents their Enterprise Architecture for the bank. My role was pretty much doing much listening and absorbing the materials presented.

Heck, this place is well organized and much of the structural problems with biz and technical are discussed publicly and acknowledged. My colleagues sure know their stuff and very technical.

As expected, web emails and IM are blocked by corporate firewall. Looks like I am disconnected from outside world from today onwards. Not looking forward to checking my emails at home often. They finally gave me a temp PC in the afternoon, till my laptop arrives next week.