Will you jump in again?

Maybe it the cold sad decision that i need to move on that make me think deeply whether it is a better idea to know a person first before jumping into a relationship. But how long should I take before I decides? Finally, i think it is matter of how well one can read and understand a person that really determine if one should move to the next step.

That will explains why some people take a shorter time to understand someone. It is equally true that a longer time will help to know someone. But I believe, at the end of the day, it become a matter of learning how to read people effectively, or ask the most indirect question that will opens up a person character.

I need to start learning...

The Housemartin - Build

Healing heart

How a week changes one life. Two days of pure happiness followed by bottomless grief. She sms me with hopes of reconciliation. A weak me responded to her request for a meeting and my poor heart gave in after she answered correctly how to a mature and honest exchange in a conflict.

A few days of peace erupts to my anger and hurt that she could back out at last minute on a promise. Why can't she not honestly tell me the true reason instead giving a lame reason? A storm of hurting words (from her) slammed into me on a Wed night.

Finally, I decided that it must stop here, it is too much for me to bear, I can never accept someone who will dig out the past to justify and support a quarrel. So I said good bye on Fri night.

Sat night saw me walking in the underpass leading to Orchard MRT; I saw her walking together with Peter. Peter saw me and cowardly move further away from her with a frighten and unsure look on his face.

I continue walking till I am almost face to face to her, its then she noticed me. I hope she will remember my accusatory eyes as I walk on and waved good bye.

She told previously Sat night was a girl friend outing. Fast and connecting thoughts came together in my mind, how in the past she could not easier tell me beforehand where she meeting her girlfriends and sometimes why it ended late. These could be lot of if but since it is already over, it is a waste of time and effort to think more into it. The worst conclusion is she previously choose an outing with Peter over me.

So my heart heals slightly faster and easier now. Time to move on and ignore her sms.

Someone - Rembrandts

I have given my best

Did I do the right thing? Only time will tell. Could someone tell me if it is possible to hold one frustration and sense of losing control out of ones voice? Is it possible only after a long practise?

More importantly, I guess it is the ability to hold one feelings at bay when the opposite party throws such at you. So does that means one can hold his feeling at bay always? I believe not for if it possible then that someone must be not human. I believe people are like container, they can only hold so much before they burts or overflow. So it is question then of how deep is one container. Which answered my own question, one can hold one feeling at bay with practise.

I said good bye to her today. I am calling it off because we not really compatiable for each other, both of us are head-strong and she is always want to have the last word. I can honestly say that I have given my best attempt. I have tried to rationaise my feeling and work out a solution for both us. It did not even reach the stage where we can talk about the problem, for it ended with me losing my patience and cool.

Maybe it will work for the short term but I have no confidence for the long term. Maybe it better to stop now and start again. I an honestly tried my best.

Kd Lang - Crying