fishy stories

She said it is not possible for early release even after I finished all outstanding tasks because I initialed the official resignation. Then, she told my recruitment agency the same story but with the reason that there are many outstanding tasks. To me personally, she said it might be possible IF I have found another job.

When I asked for time off to attend interviews (I work back the time by working back the hours) and I will arrange the interview so that its do not crash with the current team work, she said will be case by case basis and cannot be too often. Then, she told the agency that it is not possible for time off.

Sometime fishy here, her answers dun connect well. On one hand she said time off cannot be too often and then yet agree to early release is possible once I finished all tasks. I dun trust her. Once I finished my outstanding task (by next week) I will go straight to big boss and ask for early release (if there no more work to do). I have nothing to lose if he say no.

Thank You

Its very touching to hear the kind and caring words from you, my dear readers. Its make feel less alone in this learning period. To share some good news, there are interviews coming my way and hopefully they will lead to concrete offers. Thank you for being with me. :)

So it came to this

The worst came. They told me that they do not need my services anymore. They put it across as an option for me to leave voluntary or be terminated. I chose a graceful exit for better explanation in my career. In a certain way, I am happier for this outcome. There a more certain future which is now under my control again. The future may be uncertain but there will be work for a person with 2 arms and 2 legs. :)

ps: There must be something right that I am not doing right. :)

Breathe - How can I fall

2007 review

This year been pretty tough, both career and love life. Looking back, I may have been too confident and sure of myself on the decisions I make. Like a inexperienced youngster daring to take on the world. And how the cruel world discipline me on the many life lessons. I must remember them.

It is strange that I once thought that both the ex company and my ex are the ONE for forever. I can remember telling myself so, especially the word "She the one" appeared in my head when I first saw her. And yet today is so different. I no longer with that company and I no longer with her now. Looking back, there must be a consistent thread to be found across all the dis-hearting episodes on my year 2007 life.

Frustration in work will cause stress in me and make me shut down as i struggle to comprehend to find the cause. Now, I must not let work problems affects my identity and self-esteem and remember it is always a contribution of the parties involved. To increase my radar sensitivity and be on my guard, I will remember the cruel methods and behaviorisms of those bad bosses I encountered this year. I now know my work life influences my love life heavily. At least, its not work that was the cause.

A friend taught me this about choices in life, use one criteria in determining the next step when facing a fork in the road ahead. And in the weeks ahead, I see another fork coming and this time I must be careful and decides on the one criteria to use.

This year is tough and keep telling myself to see from a future self; What advise would a future me tell myself today?

Rihanna - Dont stop the music

He spoked

Big Boss called for a team meeting and updated everyone on the next steps in the new project. I expects him to talk about the new team structure and about my predecessor coming back. I felt he did not approach the subject of what happened to me directly. I felt he dropped 2 hints indirectly on it.

He started off speaking how difficult it will be to work with the vendor for the new project. And he said if anyone who do not wish to work with the vendor, can approach him directly and he would assign him to another area in the office. [Hint #1] On the same sentence, he said everyone in the room is too valuable and there will work to be found.

Then, he mentioned how two new position will be created and they will report to him directly. My predecessor will take one of the new position ("Technology Manager") because everyone respects him for his expertise [hint #2, indirectly saying I do not have the team respects].

In summary, he is saying everyone is valuable and the predecessor is coming back because he represent the best choice to bridge between the team and the project. I respect and admire Big Boss manner of conveying the hidden messages. Here is a lesson I can copy from.

Looking back on how I could not earn the team respect, could be due to the lady boss treatment towards me. The team simply mirror the way she does not show me respect for my technical decision. There many examples. That my side of the story.

Now, it was for me to pin-point exactly when she started doing so and how I contribute towards it even though she is a bad manager. So that I can learn a lesson from it.

Today meeting may have secure my immediate future for the next few months. But looking into the future, I wonder what will be chemistry with lady boss and the predecessor in the team. I know the lady boss respects the predecessor. The question is how the lady boss will decide if I disagree with the predecessor technical decision. It may not be in an objective manner given she have sided with other against me before on non-objective basis.

Guess my decision to continue looking out will be a wise one.

Waiting

For two days, lady boss is not in office due to sickness while Big Boss have returned from his trip. I wonder if they have confirmed the new team structure. I have expects them to give me one month notice because there cant be 2 person playing the same role. I am planning for the worst outcome while hoping for the best. The next possible outcome will be they serves notice to me after the predecessor starts working. With these outcome in mind, its allows me somewhat a peace of mind, thou the daily work routine is getting harder to bear.

And it is kind of strange to observe the behavior of those who knows my predecessor is returning and yet do not know that I know they know. And it provided me a real advantage to really to observe how genuine they are in their dealing with me.

A kind workmate once told me before not trust anyone in the workplace, even bosses and colleagues. I did not believed her completely because I did not had such experience yet. Till this recent events, it really hit home how true and prophetic her words are.

As long these events does not kill me, it will make me stronger and tougher.

Keane - Everybody changing

This old feeling

I cant believe it. This old feeling of dreading going back. This feeling is the same feeling I had when I need to report back to camp during my army days. Then, it was the feeling of knowing the week ahead is just to burn time and awaits the next book out.

Gosh! This time is about going back to work and awaiting for the weekends! This is no good. I have must think positively and plan out my week ahead so that I will be bored.

2 head but one hat

Come to think of it, I could not find a good reason why she told the team first and then informed me much later that my predecessor is rejoining the company. Shouldn't I be first to be informed so that I can hold up my dignity when the news goes to the people, and that I will not be shell-shocked together with the crowd.

As to my question to her whether there enough same hat to 2 head, she replied the new role and responsibilities among the team is pending big boss approval. And when asked about how did the predecessor was able to come back, she replied she cant inform me about the rational and not even the reason for not able to tell me about the rational. She keep pushing it back that the big boss needs to decides her recommendation.

Gosh, really what happened today may be a good thing after all since it is obvious she is not objective enough and sensitive enough.

Thinking even further, her early attempts to take over my role during the presentation to enterprise architect and when her words does not match her action should have make me watch my steps that she is playing games around me. I should paid more attention to the alarm bells that ringing off in my head. Again, another lesson learned and this time is about not trusting even your own boss.

So it is time again to start looking out for a new job.

It will be Red in color.

PZY got a new car, a Honda Civic, and I must say looks much better than his previous car. It's dark black color and aggressive front fits PZY image perfectly. A good example of the car matching the owner.

It was not his new car that got me interested in getting myself one. I called him up to catch up with him and to get some tips on car buying. As my first criteria for getting a car is status, he proposed the choice of Honda Civic or Toyota Corrolla Altis for the look. Over the past few days of spying every cars that drive past me, I must say I agreed to his proposal. Both cars add a status symbol to the owner. And regardless of the final model, I have decided the color to be red.

And is left for me to do some leg walking and examination of what else is left out in my evaluation.
:)

Wiener Kaffeehaus

We sat on the 2nd floor of Wiener Kaffeehuas, a tiny converted old shophouse hidden away in cantonment road. Its wooden wall with Austian decor creates a cosy feeling of another world that sheild the people inside from the noisy and hectic Singapore traffic outside. Overall, it creates a impression that say "came and stay, relax and escape from the world outside"

We have its daily set lunch which was very delicious, personally I feel value of money. We agreed that it is a good place for dates. Like what an old wise man say to me, all relationship are fated. If I do not know when I suddenly to alighted and walked a distance to Amara Hotel bustop to take 145, I would not had be reunited with LSL. Life is sometime funny and wonderful.

And thou it was a quick and short lunch, in a insight, I finally learned that female tends not be honest about their preferred preferences even though it was so obvious. And I am starting to suspect the reason why. But it will be too proud for me to say now.

Desiderata

My dearest favorite sweetest aunt in the world sent me this card. It arrived in the mail the week before. She been a aunt agony to me since I was young and always been there for me, mothering me always. :)

Thank you!

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms
with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain
or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons
than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full
of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full
of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and
disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the ears, gracefully surrendering
the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you
in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark
imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You
are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to
you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him
to be, And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy
confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a
beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Childhood friend

Last Monday, 30-07-2007, I met up with Huat Sing, a long lost childhood friend.  When our age are less than 10, we went to the library together, our mum cooked noodles for us to eat when we are at each other houses, and generally we played together.   He was my best pal then.  We started drifted apart when we were in secondary school.  I guess the reason was much of my own doing as I started to had  different interests from him.

Meeting up with him again bring me back to my childhoods.  He is still tall, married with 2 sons and looked fine and healthy.  He found me via Friendster and it was really a wonder that we are connected again.  We had chicken rice lunch at Deport Road, chatted over what happened in our lives, how NS changed us, what happened to us after O levels, where our career are going and chatted about our love life.  

He achieved much thru persistence and hard work to reach where he is now and I admire him for it.  And when we parted, even thought I sensed that it will be a while before we meet up again because of the different stage of life between us, I will make effort to keep in touch with him, for he represents a page from my past when life is gentler, much happier and very care-free.